today is my one month anniversary with simba, bad baby... RML. i have a problem. i think i like him too much.. maybe even to the point where i like him A LOT more than he likes me. this isnt ok. i need some way to fix this problem but i dont know how to.. sigh.
he makes me happy... im happy to have met him and happy that he's good to me. xoxo <3
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
7.11.2011 1:04AM
JoJo - Marvin's Room [cover]
in the beginning, i regretted it. i was mad at myself for speaking without thought. given my past, it was the last thing i needed. i tried to figure out ways to reverse time, reverse my answer but it was too late. days went by, memories were made, time was spent. now, i think im in deeper than im supposed to be. im making the same mistake i made last time and i wish i could stop myself. its all about giving without receiving - its always like that for me and i wish it wasnt. i deserve to be happy and i deserve to be treated well. i shouldnt be questioning this early on - its not right and i dont want to be stuck in this kind of situation again. it all seems like a front... everything is so fake. there's only one thing he wants and its not me. i love spending time with him. he makes me happy and i dont want to spend a minute away from him but its not mutual. i dont think he enjoys spending time with me. i think im trying too hard to make him happy - always wondering what else i can buy him or what i can do to make him happy. why do i always fall like this? this isnt fair. at the end of the day, it isnt worth it. i'm done sacrificing myself for someone else's happiness. when will it be my turn?
do you still miss me? it's been almost a year and you drift in my mind from time to time. i thought i was happier but im falling into the same cycle. i feel your eyes on me. how do i look? sometimes, i can see right through you and it makes me laugh. are you happier now?
Fuck that new girl that you like so bad
She’s not crazy like me I bet you like that
I said fuck that new girl that’s been in your bed
And when you’re in her, I know I’m in your head
I’m just saying you can do better
Always turned you out every time we were together
Once you had the best you can’t do better
Baby I’m the best so you can’t do better
my heart feels empty.
in the beginning, i regretted it. i was mad at myself for speaking without thought. given my past, it was the last thing i needed. i tried to figure out ways to reverse time, reverse my answer but it was too late. days went by, memories were made, time was spent. now, i think im in deeper than im supposed to be. im making the same mistake i made last time and i wish i could stop myself. its all about giving without receiving - its always like that for me and i wish it wasnt. i deserve to be happy and i deserve to be treated well. i shouldnt be questioning this early on - its not right and i dont want to be stuck in this kind of situation again. it all seems like a front... everything is so fake. there's only one thing he wants and its not me. i love spending time with him. he makes me happy and i dont want to spend a minute away from him but its not mutual. i dont think he enjoys spending time with me. i think im trying too hard to make him happy - always wondering what else i can buy him or what i can do to make him happy. why do i always fall like this? this isnt fair. at the end of the day, it isnt worth it. i'm done sacrificing myself for someone else's happiness. when will it be my turn?
do you still miss me? it's been almost a year and you drift in my mind from time to time. i thought i was happier but im falling into the same cycle. i feel your eyes on me. how do i look? sometimes, i can see right through you and it makes me laugh. are you happier now?
Fuck that new girl that you like so bad
She’s not crazy like me I bet you like that
I said fuck that new girl that’s been in your bed
And when you’re in her, I know I’m in your head
I’m just saying you can do better
Always turned you out every time we were together
Once you had the best you can’t do better
Baby I’m the best so you can’t do better
my heart feels empty.
Friday, February 25, 2011
2.25.2011 10:23PM
i'm supposed to be studying. that's what i didnt go to church tonight.
oopsie. i have my EDHD320 midterm on tuesday and i wanted to start studying tonight but i got caught up in applying for jobs.
i've never been declined from a job ... and when i got the email from Consolidated Graphics saying that they dont want me, it made me upset. the funny thing is, i didnt want the job but i went to the interview for practice. if anything, i learned to be less happy at interviews. i think if i acted more stoic and expressionless, i'll get the job. obviously, i should act differently at interviews, depending on the industry, but for business professional ones, i should definitely be -_- robot status.
i spend a lot of time on usajobs.gov .. trying to land me a government job. every time i see the word 'army', i think about you and your dog tags. i think i miss you.. miss laying in arms? miss the lies that you tell me..? something like that.
time to try to study now.
bye <3
oopsie. i have my EDHD320 midterm on tuesday and i wanted to start studying tonight but i got caught up in applying for jobs.
i've never been declined from a job ... and when i got the email from Consolidated Graphics saying that they dont want me, it made me upset. the funny thing is, i didnt want the job but i went to the interview for practice. if anything, i learned to be less happy at interviews. i think if i acted more stoic and expressionless, i'll get the job. obviously, i should act differently at interviews, depending on the industry, but for business professional ones, i should definitely be -_- robot status.
i spend a lot of time on usajobs.gov .. trying to land me a government job. every time i see the word 'army', i think about you and your dog tags. i think i miss you.. miss laying in arms? miss the lies that you tell me..? something like that.
time to try to study now.
bye <3
Monday, January 31, 2011
1.31.2011 1:38pm
you never fail to amaze me. thank you. you have no idea how much i admire you. youre truly an inspiration to me. hopefully one day, i'll be able to share this with you
Sunday, January 30, 2011
1.31.2011 1:22AM
every night before i go to sleep, i lay in bed and reflect on my day. sometimes, i think about the happy moments... some nights, i worry about the stresses of tomorrow. lately, ive been doubting all the things in my life that i believed to be true. its so easy to be lured into a lie .. just because it sounds so much better than the truth. people always try to tell others what they want to hear so they can benefit from it. im guilty of this, too, but i dont know why it has to be like this. i guess there's no other answer than selfish greed.
now that i'm on the outside looking in, the inside looks like a stupid game people play.. the game i once played so well. being on the outside has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me. not a lot of people think with their heads. it seems to be all about self pleasure and bringing others down to be on top. happiness is patience. im stronger than i thought and im self-determined to conquer anything. i wont settles for less because it's not worth my time. those that really know what it means to love, know how to show it. family will always be family and they'll hold my hand when i start to fall.
some never take the time to step outside to see reality but, that's ok with me. some people live in a world of lies. they build pain on top of pain and it's such a horrible thing to watch. they tell themselves everything is fine and theyre being 'good' but is everything really perfect?
thank you for confirming my decision. every day that passes by, im grateful that things are unfolding the way they are. although you say you dont support it, i know that one day, you'll come to regret one part or another. i want you to know that my name isnt Stupid and you cant fool me. i hate to say this but i told you so - your actions always contradict your words. thank you for never changing and always being you... someone i could never spend the rest of my life with.
now that i'm on the outside looking in, the inside looks like a stupid game people play.. the game i once played so well. being on the outside has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me. not a lot of people think with their heads. it seems to be all about self pleasure and bringing others down to be on top. happiness is patience. im stronger than i thought and im self-determined to conquer anything. i wont settles for less because it's not worth my time. those that really know what it means to love, know how to show it. family will always be family and they'll hold my hand when i start to fall.
some never take the time to step outside to see reality but, that's ok with me. some people live in a world of lies. they build pain on top of pain and it's such a horrible thing to watch. they tell themselves everything is fine and theyre being 'good' but is everything really perfect?
thank you for confirming my decision. every day that passes by, im grateful that things are unfolding the way they are. although you say you dont support it, i know that one day, you'll come to regret one part or another. i want you to know that my name isnt Stupid and you cant fool me. i hate to say this but i told you so - your actions always contradict your words. thank you for never changing and always being you... someone i could never spend the rest of my life with.
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